Hey there and welcome! 🙂
This post marks the start of something that’s been in the works for years and it’s finally time I take the first step towards it.
Originally, it was not only meant to announce the launch of the website, but my first music video for a cover song as well (which I’ve taken down cause like many other things in my life – I’m not feeling it at all)
Regardless, I’m still glad I uploaded it cause it was important to see that project through to the end, as I’ve never finished any of my music-related projects before – either because of fear, loss of motivation or interest or I don’t even know why…
It was a very challenging and lengthy process to go through alone but it was a good learning experience and the first real glimpse of what it takes to complete a project like this. At the end, as much as I might have hated the process, I loved it at the same time… And yeah, that’s kind of insane.
Now that it’s done and out of the way I can backtrack and share some stuff about the last few years that led up to this first tiny step
HOW IT STARTED:
I’ve always known a career in music was the only thing I want – I was 12 when I first started making amateur recordings and researching labels and the industry. Around the same time I started teaching myself to play the guitar.
(I did that stuff by myself not only because I didn’t know anyone that was even remotely interested in music, but also because of the fact that I’ve always hated traditional methods of education, so I never wanted to go to classes, courses or anything like that.)
I kept it to myself for a long time. I just worked on my own stuff and tried to figure out what kind of artist I wanted to be. For years I’ve been plotting every step, every detail, every song and the time has come to struggle to set those plans in motion.
There were a few reasons why I kept my music to myself, the biggest one being that the career I want isn’t exactly possible in the country I live in. Nothing close to that magnitude has ever happened in this part of the world.
That little detail caused me to sit around and wait until I was able to move away so I can finally be in an environment that I’ve chosen for myself, an environment that embraces ambition and offers countless opportunities for growth. I thought I had to be in a place like that in order to become the person I wanted to be.
Before I realized that wasn’t true, my entire existence revolved around waiting for “the magical move to the promised land that’s gonna change everything and fix all my problems” …but at the same time I had to support myself (as someone who’s completely independent) so I worked a few office jobs and actually built a pretty comfortable life for myself…the only problem was I was absolutely miserable. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
THE BREAKING POINT:
Jumping back to 2016 and 2017 at my second office job, this time at a global corporation that sucked the life out of me – All I could think about during those countless hours in that goddamn cubicle was “you’re wasting your time, you’re wasting your life, you’re wasting your potential”… and all of those things were true.
I hated my job, I had no life, I had no time to work on my music or anything that was actually important, so of course I couldn’t take it anymore. All that was important to me was how I felt and what I wanted my life to be, so one glorious day I mustered up the courage to quit… and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
I quit with this exciting idea of posting singing videos and maybe getting a few gigs at clubs and I guess working freelance to pay the bills. I wanted to make the most of my time here, to be as free as possible and to finish my projects so I can be ready when the time comes to move.
I still had tons of stuff to figure out and even though I had all those plans, I still wasn’t completely comfortable with them becoming a reality. I was in a bad mindset, still recovering from some emotional and psychological trauma that I was trying to ignore and on top of that I was completely exhausted after three years of office crap (a year and half of which I spent on late shifts – basically living like a vampire).
I desperately needed a break to get my thoughts together and start feeling like myself again so I could figure out my next step.
I still felt like something was holding me back and it took a long time until it clicked…All of a sudden I remembered the very simple fact that I’m not at all bound to one country or city or anything or anyone… it became painfully obvious how ridiculous and fabricated that way of thinking was. I started feeling a bit of freedom that I hadn’t felt before and realized the world is just one big open space that I can do whatever I want with – that’s when I started feeling more comfortable about being myself, doing what I love and chasing what I want.
All I needed was a different perspective and to realize that what I can or cannot do depends solely on me. It’s not the environment, it’s not the people around me, it’s not the zip code or street address. If I was going to achieve the things I wanted and live life my way – I could just make it happen regardless of where I am (even if it’s in a place that puts me against all odds.)
I finally felt at ease and started doing my own thing, while at the same time enjoying my surroundings for the first time ever, after a lifetime of wishing to be somewhere else.
SO WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
I quit that job back in April 2017 but I didn’t upload anything until September 2018… If you want to find out what happened and why it took so long, stay tuned for my next posts
I genuinely hope that sharing this story can help someone at least a little bit and show that you don’t have to settle and you don’t have to tie yourself down and you definitely don’t have to be miserable all the goddamn time!
Whatever the situation is, you can get out of it and start working your way towards what you really want, love and deserve.
Thanks for reading!